smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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