And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We left the knife in your bed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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