I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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