This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
