So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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