Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
