Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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