I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
