feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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