Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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