I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
