GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
