I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dick very happy bro
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
