I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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