My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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