Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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