Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
