Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
