this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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