So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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