yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
