why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
