My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
