dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
