everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
