i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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