why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
