She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
