Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize