my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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