i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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