Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
