apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He passed out mid-signature
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
