i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
