I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so let's talk penis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
