I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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