I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
