Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
