Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
