I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
