i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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