every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize