she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize