he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
