I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
