I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
