Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
