finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
