Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
even my farts smell like vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
