No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
