ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize