you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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