she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
