im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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