I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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