I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
