If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
