I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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