i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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