did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
