i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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