This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
