Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
