we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
