He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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