so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The air taste purple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
