That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
