so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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