Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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