She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
