i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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