Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His nipple licking is glorious
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