Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
