eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
