i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
