So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize