just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
