one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
