so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
