Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
