You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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