I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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