3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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