you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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