Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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