it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize