so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
