so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
