so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
