Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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