cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
