I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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