So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
