I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
