I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
