I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
