Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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