ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize