I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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