just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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