"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is my gift to your gina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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