Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
