Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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